January 28, 2003
"Only if we get to keep the funnel cakes"
November 28, 2002
"pass the peace please..."
November 19, 2002
"Will work for permanent tax cuts"
July 12, 2000
"George W. Bush Speech"
June 1, 2000
"Just say NO to Salmonella"
May 5, 2000
"I'll have the genetically altered special if you'll promise not to describe what's in it"
March 23, 2000
"Haven't you heard about Ed Belfour?"
January 1, 2000
"Happy New Year!"
July 2, 1999
"We couldn’t afford both food and medicine, so I bought medicine"
November 20, 1998
"Linda"
August 24, 1997
"You want the meat thermometer and fries with that?"
April 23, 1997
"Will bomb for food"
December 22, 1995
"Will work for self-esteem"
November 25, 1993
"Over the river and through the woods - you can't miss it."
April 17, 1993
"Finish your vegetables. Just thnk of all the millions of american children who have too much junk food."
February 26, 1993
"Of course, we modify it by replacing the explosives with beans and potatoes."
February 24, 1993
Newt curtails a giraffe chase to pursue other interests
December 6, 1992
"Enforcement could pose a problem - we're training him to detect illicit labels"
November 28, 1991
"The first thanksgiving"
September 18, 1991
"Justice"
August 15, 1991
"Crime at Texas stadium"
May 10, 1991
"It is with deep regret that we announce the resignation of the soviet union as evil empire. The soviet union is leaving to pursue other interests - such as food."
April 11, 1991
"Two cornbread and beans and a carafe of the house buttermilk. In case you haven't heard, the yuppie lifestyle is passe."
April 10, 1991
"The kurds"